Dangerous Beef

I chanced to have a steak one day
I was eating lunch in town
And this lady I was sitting near
Just looked at me, and frowned

She said, "friend, think of your arteries,
Have you no good sense at all
You gobble saturated fat
And pure cholesterol"

"You'll be a soggy, sodden mess
When your heart blows to pieces
Gee, I wish you would appreciate,
How dangerous that beef is."

Well, my steak arrived and began to cool
Her words were like the blight
God, I hated to admit it,
But that crazy gal, was right

'Cause I've been hooked and punched around
Sustained cuts and abrasions
I've been crapped on or hooked so many times
I forget those small occasions

Seen broken arms, and broken legs,
Seen my share of bad backs
Because darn near all my cowboy friends
Have been hurt in beef attacks

An old cow once had me against the fence
She about mashed me in half
While I pounded on her beefy skull
The milk bottle for her calf

She ripped off my watch, and tore my shirt
There was lots of blood and fur
For years, each time I tasted beef
I prayed I was biting her

And that old cow and there is more like her
Who sure could raise a fuss
Ma'am, you don't exaggerate
Some beef is dangerous

But this cold steak is proof to all
Of these last words to be said
I am not afraid of beef
After it... is dead.